The Promise I Made 5 Years Ago…And Kept

On May 20, 2013

I’ve been going through a lot of big shifts in recently with my move to Brooklyn, big things happening in my career and a lot of life changes among friends–I’ve been pushed to make a lot of adjustments recently, and even though most of those things are awesome, such seismic change can still feel really uncomfortable.

All of these shifts have have really really made me check in with myself and do some major introspection.  I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want in/for my life, what I thought I wanted and what I have now, that I never could have anticipated.

Five years ago I never would’ve imagined the details of my life today (my own successful practice +cookbook + being on camera = all cray!).  Back then, my life was REALLY different.  I was busting my butt as a fashion stylist, feeling like I couldn’t catch a break.  My face was covered in pretty severe acne and I was 25 pounds over weight (at 5′ that’s a LOT).

I had spent the last 10 years on an acne/weight roller coaster and, frankly, I was sick of the ride.

When my skin was bad it felt like I was wearing a mask.  I saw this face in the mirror that didn’t reflect who I was inside, which made me just want to hide.  And I realized that when my weight would elevate it was literally a buffer between me and the rest of the world.  I used the padding to protect myself and keep people away.

So, on my 27th birthday I made to promise to myself that by the time I turned 32 I would love my body.  The goal was never to lose a ton of weight, become a size 0 and run 10 miles a day.  The goal was only to let go, choose love, and let the rest fall into place.

I gave myself 5 years, knowing full well that I could never achieve such a lofty goal quickly or without support.  I mean, there were deeply ingrained patterns and insecurities that needed to be explored.  Sure, I could lose weight quickly, but that’s just a band-aid–I needed more.  I needed to heal.  

Five years later, I am proud to say, that while I have lost weight, I am still not a size zero, I haven’t run 10 consecutive miles (yet) but I do however, finally, proudly love the hell out of body.  It’s certainly not perfect, but it’s the only one I’ve got and only one I’ll ever have.  So come on, love the one you’re with!!

If you have long term goals regarding your health, weight, diet, food issues or skin I would love to hear from you.  I understand the struggle and would be honored to give you the support necessary to keep your own promises.

youre perfect

I took this selfie in my bathroom mirror.  It illustrates 3 things

1) I’m really short 🙂

2) Sometimes it’s easier to change the external conversation than the inner one, so start there.  Leave yourself little love notes all over the place.  The more you say you love your body, the more you will!  I know it’s sounds a little woo-woo, but it seriously works.


Oh, and btw, you’re perfect too.

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