Are you Comparalized?

On August 12, 2013

comparalyzed

COMPARALYZED.  It’s that thing when you become obsessed with what everyone else is doing, wearing, saying, eating, etc and lose sight of the fact that you are absolutely brilliant, beautiful, unique and right where you need to be in your own journey.

Some people call it compare and despair, that’s accurate, but I have found with so many of my friends, clients and colleagues that they get completely lost–even frozen–when they start comparing themselves to everyone else.

It’s like they’ll literally forget how to function.  They stop trusting themselves and question everything they eat, everything they say/write and every decision they  make.

When the truth is…

compare-and-despair

Every time I get an email telling me what I should be doing because “that’s what everyone is doing” I literally want to throw my computer out of the freaking window.  Personally, I have no desire to conform.  I wasn’t born with that gene.

If a lot of people are doing something that’s exactly why I DON’T want to do something.

But I’ve noticed that a lot of my clients and peers have this tendency to become comparalyzed.

Here’s how it plays out…we wake up in the morning and immediately check our email, facebook, twitter and instagram.  First thing in the morning:  Boom!  FOMO (fear of missing out).  In your face.  While we were sleeping everyone else was doing something.  Something that seems AWESOME.

fomo

So what happens?  We get stuck.  We are instantly put in this place of lack before we even got up.  Nevermind the fact that you might have spent your evening learning something new, laughing with a friend or getting some much-needed R&R.  All of a sudden whatever that was–wasn’t good enough.

But the truth is– YOU ARE PERFECT EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.  There is no one else out there who is exactly like you.  You were born to be to be special simply because you were born YOU.  Even though people might be putting out this perfect facade, no one’s life is perfect.  We all have our struggles, challenges and insecurities.

*Trust me, as a girl who spent years working in fashion, hearing models complain about their bodies, I know first hand that people you deem “perfect” unfortunately don’t see themselves that way.  

stop-trying-so-hard-to-fit-in

I completely get it, there is so much pressure to “make it” (whatever “it” is).  Especially as an entrepreneur I feel a tremendous amount of pressure keep up with my colleagues.  My mind will often get flooded with things like

  • Am I eating the right things?
  • Have I read everything I should read?
  • Do I have enough clients?
  • Am I fit enough?
  • Do I know everyone I should know?

And the answer is YES.  Yes  to all of it.  I am, and you are exactly where we need to be right now.  

Success-Graph-Funny

It may not always feel that way but nature is cyclical.  Wherever you are–it’s just for now, it’s not forever.

I’ve done enough personal growth work to know that there isn’t a quick fix to this Comparalyzation phenomenon.  But the first step is naming it; acknowledge that you are stuck in this cycle and pinpoint the source.

Some things that I recommend doing are

1) Take a tech break.  If you find yourself always watching a show, visiting a website or  reading a blog that makes you feel terrible– STOP IT.  Anyone publishing information is trying to be helpful or inspirational, if it’s dragging you down, ditch it.

2) Write your own rules for what work for you and your body.  Create your own standards for how you want to eat, work, etc.  You are a snowflake.  No wait, a unicorn.  You are special and unique and you should always operate as such.

3) When in doubt: Meditate.  Or journal.  Or do whatever it is that makes you feel closest to the source (god, the universe, whatever you want to call it) and get clear on how you want to feel in your body and in your life.  The rest of the noise will start to quiet down eventually.

This is a big-ass topic and I really want to hear your stories of feeling comparalyzed.  How do you combat that?  What tricks do you use to pull yourself out of that rut?  Holler at in the comments below…

 

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